Truthfully I have a battle to fight everyday and it’s my toughest………….. the battle to accept that I am enough exactly as I am with my ‘quirks’ and limitations:
“To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody but yourself – means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight – and never stop fighting” (E.E. Cummings).
The thing is I know what I want / need to do and I know where I need to be but I’m not doing either. I’m not doing either because I’m afraid. I’m so bloody afraid that I’m not good enough, (that old chestnut).
And to get to where I need to be I’m going to have to push through my self-made bull shit and self doubt. I have to step right outta my comfort zone. And I’m trying. I’m really trying:
“Don’t tell me you don’t have what it takes. Because I’m going to call bullshit 24-7. This year, this cycle, your life isn’t just about surviving. It’s about thriving. And you get to choose how you take action. Because it’s on you. It’s all on you. And your time is now. Not tomorrow. Not when you think you’re ready or feel good enough. It’s now. And deep down you want this. You want to know the warrior within and who you are when you rise above self-limiting beliefs, pain and mediocrity………………..” (Tanya Markul, Thug Unicorn)
I want to prove to myself and the world that this girl has what it takes. That even with my ‘quirks’, ropey balance and unusual walk I can be more than enough. I want to prove I can still fulfil my potential despite being ‘compromised’. I’ve turned down amazing opportunities this year because of my fear and at some point I’m going to have to level up, take a chance.
Given the obstacles I’ve faced and conquered you’d think I’d realise I was capable of anything but nope. My lack of self confidence and self belief often wins 1st prize and ensures that I never do much more than dip my toe in the water. And you have no idea how much I want to spread my wings and fly. I have battled a brain tumour and MS. Hell, I’ve even cheated death so I have to find a way to do this.
And there’s no question I’m determined. I don’t think people realise how long I fought to regain my health…………6 years! Not 6 days, 6 weeks or even 6 months. Six fucking years. I put in the work, did my time, showed up even when I was fatigued, sore and certain I couldn’t face another day but I still did it.
2019 is just around the corner and I’m coming for ya 💪🏻. I am enough, you reading this……..you are enough.
So to anyone doubting themselves no matter the reason it’s your job to prove yourself wrong!! I am most definitely going to try and prove myself wrong.